I have something cool for you today…
I want to talk to you about mastering your EMOTIONS
Because here’s the deal guys – I believe the quality of your entire life, is defined by the emotions that you experience most OFTEN IN your life.
Do you experience more anger than anything else? Frustration? Grief? Worry? Fear? Disappointment? Struggle? Anxiety?
Hope not…those things suck…
Or do you experience love most often? Joy? Gratitude. Excitement. Happiness. Bliss.
Pretty clear which of those you want to feel more of, and which of those you want to feel a HELL of a lot less of, right?
Now, before we get into it, I want to make something clear here. I’m talking to you about MASTERING your emotions. But mastery does NOT mean control. Two different things to me…
It’s kind of like the ocean, right?…. You can’t control the ocean…but you CAN learn to surf 🙂
So when I say mastery, I’m talking about a much deeper understanding. A way to understand what your emotions are, where they come from, and how to work with them.
Actually, screw that – how to make them work FOR YOU is a better way to put that…
How to actually USE them to FUEL you, as opposed to kind of – being a victim of the way you feel all the time.
Because when you learn to get a handle on this stuff, man…I’m talking about EVERYTHING in your life being just – SO much easier and more enjoyable and more – I guess more balanced is a good way to put it.
It’s always been funny to me that we spend so much time working to get better in so many areas – our relationships, finances, health and fitness, our hobbies – all that good stuff.
But – why is it that so many of us never get better with our emotions?
I mean we’re all AWARE of the power they have over our lives, but why do we feel like this isn’t an area where we can improve? Because you absolutely can. That’s why you’re here right?
But before we dive into that, let’s talk about what I feel most people get TOTALLY wrong when it comes to emotions
First and foremost is confusing what you FEEL….for who you ARE. Confusing what you feel for who you are.
Because your emotions, what you’re feeling at any given time, is just that – what you’re feeling. It’s NOT who you are although I get that it can certainly seem that way at times.
Then there’s attempting to bury emotions – suppressing them. I’m going to get into a much healthier way to view and ultimately USE your emotions in a minute but if you picture your emotions as energy, which they are, – if you PUSH that energy down, if you try to NOT feel what you’re feeling, try to suppress it – well, guess what?
You’re just PUSHING that energy down into yourself and it’s going to pop up in some other form in some other place – remember that game whack-a-mole where the thing pops up, you try and whack it with a hammer but then it just pops up somewhere else? Kinda like that
Another problem – and this is my favorite
It’s the old false choice between logic and emotions.
Man…there are certain things that just get repeated over and over again until we start saying them and believing them too, and no one ever stops to ask “now wait a minute, is this actually true?”
Case in point:
You can EITHER be emotional OR logical. You’re one or the other.
There’s the whole “men shouldn’t be emotional” thing – which is nonsense …or – women are totally RULED by emotion. Also nonsense
You hear things like “Oh, you’re just being too emotional”.
“You need to be more logical”….that kind of thing.
Like it’s this never-ending battle between emotion and logic.
It’s total bullshit. It’s a false choice and it doesn’t work for any of us at all.
Because look – you need both of them. Logic and emotion play an important part in who we are. It’s not about one or the other. It’s about balance.
Another big misconception when it comes to emotional mindset is: “Defeating” your emotions – this is a huge one
You have to DEFEAT your emotions. You need to like – FIGHT to take control of them.
Dude you don’t have to go to battle with your emotions. If you did, you’d be going to war with yourself. And when you go to war with yourself, who wins?
So your emotions aren’t your enemy, even though I know it may seem that way sometimes.
And you can’t eliminate the emotions you think are“bad”, and only keep the “good ones”.
Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.
So no, defeating your emotions isn’t possible. We’re humans. We can’t kill our emotions.
If you’re into Star Trek, what I’m saying is we’re not Vulcans…I’m much more of a Star Wars guy, but anyhow…
Alright….Here are two ways I believe you SHOULD look at your emotions:
ONE: Energy. Think of your emotions as energy. Here’s what I mean –
The Latin root of the word emotion is “mot” M-O-T, which translates to “move”, or “flow outward”.
Energy flows right? It can be incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous but you can HARNESS it and make it work for you.
So keep this in mind when you think of your emotions from now on. Think of your emotions as flowing energy.
TWO: Messages. Think of them as an email sent from your subconscious to your conscious logical mind. But the email isn’t written in words… it’s written in feelings. It’s up to you to figure out what they’re trying to tell you.
OK, now I’m going to teach you something amazing. It’s a 5 step system that to this point I’ve only shared with my private 1:1 coaching clients.
It’s called the “F5 System for Emotional Mastery” and it’s going to give you a mastery over your emotions like you’ve never experienced before.
Now – like everything, It takes practice. But it works and if you use it you’re going to thank me for it.
What I’m asking you do here may seem totally counter-intuitive, ok, but what you need to do when it comes to better understanding your emotions, is to actually feel them MORE.
So the next time you find yourself with an unwanted emotion, one that feels like it’s out of control, or one you don’t understand, here’s what you do:
The first “F” in the F5 is FREEZE.
Just stop everything. Find a quiet place to sit (I don’t recommend lying down during this process) and be by yourself if possible. Basically, you’re giving yourself a time-out.
Close your eyes. Ground yourself. Feel your feet on the floor, and imagine the energy from your feet digging way down into the earth, far below.
Notice your arms. Your legs. Notice the weight of your body.
Breathe. Inhale….exhale….notice your heart beating. Breathe slowly, deeply, and notice your heart slowing down a little.
Just lay there and do this for 60 to 90 seconds.
The second F in the F5 is to FEEL Remember, your emotions are like energy, and energy needs to flow. So let it flow freely. Don’t fight what you’re feeling.
Allow yourself to REALLY FEEL them.
Calm your mind. Tell the chatter in your mind to take a break for a minute. Don’t analyze anything just yet.
Just sit, and feel. Feeling the energy of the emotion flowing through your body.
This might seem strange to you at first. When it comes to our feelings, we’re usually so damn reactive. An emotion hits and BANG! We think we have to respond or do something. React somehow to it.
No. Just feel….
…now, notice where you feel this emotion in your body. This sounds easy, but it takes some practice. You’ll get the hang of it.
Is it in your stomach? Your chest? Maybe it’s higher up in your throat…what side of your body are you feeling this? Is the energy moving up or down or is it swirling around?
If you want to go nuts you can assign the emotion a color or a shape or both. Literally, try and see it. There’s no right or wrong here….Whatever pops into your mind is the right answer. And if you don’t see a color that’s totally fine. too
OK…..the 3rd F is FLOW
You just continue sitting or lying there for a minute or two and just allow that emotion to keep flowing. Don’t fight it at all. Picture it like water running in a stream. Let it flow to any part of your body it wants to.
Next up – the 4th F is FIGURE OUT.
Now it’s time to figure out exactly what the emotion is. Again, this sounds easy but takes practice. Now that you’ve sat with this for a bit, ask yourself what this emotion is – is it anger, sadness, anxiety – try and drill down and uncover exactly what it is.
You might notice that in the few minutes you’ve taken to let the emotion run through you, it may not be what you originally thought.
Then once you’re sure of what the emotions is, it’s time to translate the message. If the emotion is a message, what is it trying to tell you?
Then finally, the 5th F in the F5 is FREE…that means it’s time to let it go. To release it. Imagine that color or shape just kind of … leaving your body. Flowing away.
And when that’s done, when you’ve gone through this process a few times and you’ve gotten comfortable with it, you’re going to find you can’t BELIEVE how calm and peaceful you feel after